The First Year in Retrospect

On the eve of her birthday, this is what stands out to me as I look back:

·       -Sitting alone in my hospital room after Keira’s birth. Being robbed of some of those first moments that you typically have with your baby: nursing, photos, introducing them to their siblings.

·       -The agony that I felt when, during those first few days, I  considered the life ahead. There was somehow an impossible, beautiful, clarity and purity in that emotion.

·       -I often felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Out in public, people acted like it was a normal day and life just went one. It was everything but a normal day to me. 

·     -Loneliness. People are amazingly supportive but struggle to know what to say to us. Often, they say nothing at all.  One friend said to Jeff, “I about shit my pants when I heard there was brain damage.” Who’d have guessed that I’d appreciate this candid response more than any others? It validated what was happening and what I was feeling.

·       -Peace.

·       -The profundity of the experience overall. The closeness it brought to my marriage. The meaning and perspective that it brought to relationships and activities. The people that it brought into our lives and the things that it has prompted them to share with us.

·       -The surreal experience I had when viewing her MRI for the first time. 

·       -Having Keira in the PICU and thinking during part of that time that we could possibly lose her. Also knowing that we would be okay. 

·       -Keira’s laughter, which we heard for the first time promptly after being discharged from the ICU.

·       -The tremendous power of the community that came together for our sake. Friends and family, acquaintances, neighbors, and people we didn't know at all. We had company, meals, conversation, coffee, child care, chauffeurs, money, prayers, coverage at work, house cleaners, lawn mowers,  walkers for the March of Dimes, a photographer, shoppers, and more. 

·       -Not losing the baby weight.

·       -Having a desperate desire for Keira to be known, which resulted in me starting this blog.

·       -Vera and Evie.

·       -Jeff forever feeling okay about it all, then one day announcing that a friend needed to “stop posting pictures of their [exceedingly cute and typically developing] damn baby every 5 minutes!”

·       -The beautiful love that Liam and Ronin have for their sister and the pride they have when they make her smile. 

     Here's a picture of our sweet baby. Thanks for an unforgettable year. Hope to see you at the party!