Top 10 Things That Have Changed in Me Since Keira's Debut

1. I don't park in unlit areas. 
I think I had a wee bit of PTSD following Keira's startling birth and all. I remember being pretty nervous on the freeway for the next week or so, pretty sure that if my baby had been born with such an unlikely illness then it was also quite likely that Jeff or I would die in a fiery car accident. Thankfully, such worries have dissipated, but one thing remains: I always park in the lit parking lot rather than the closer, but much darker, spot on the street.

2.  I let the boys dress themselves. 
Ne'er before would I allow such ensembles. Ronin in running pants and cowboy boots. Maybe a t-shirt and a tie. Liam off to school in sweatpants. So much for my aspirations of dressing the kids like Gap models. It's not worth the energy.

3.  I delete to-do lists. 
Jeff has always teased me about my never-ending to-do lists. Or my half dozen to-do lists. When Keira was born, I deleted them. It became very clear to me that I wouldn't be forgetting the important stuff. Since then, I've reinstated the to-do list but I realize that when my anxiety grows, so does my list. When I start adding things to my list like "bathe the children," "gas the car," and "pluck my eyebrows," I know it's time to purge again.

4. I care about politics.
Never before did I pay so much attention to day to day political goings on. However, I found myself insensed after the Newtown incident when the talk of the nation so quickly turned to gun control rather than the care of the Newtown community or the state of mental health care in America. The same day, I wanted to cry when the Nampa School District had to eliminate the program that busses kids to after-school programs. A new perspective, I guess.

5. I have more confidence in my faith.
I've been a Christian for most of my life. In the way back of my head I've always wondered, just a little, if I was doing Christianity right. After all, I did vote for Obama. Twice. I now know, without a doubt, that my faith is strong and it carries me. How in Heaven's name would I be standing on two feet right now, let alone juggling Keira and the boys and loving my husband as much as ever, if I weren't drawing true strength from something bigger than myself?

6. I'm better at taking care of myself. 
I don't just think, "Man, am I getting worn out." I say it out loud... then I call my mom to come over so I can take a nap! I'm going to the gym  two or three times a week. I can't imagine getting sick right now, so I'm really, no REALLY, trying to stay well.

7. I accept help. 
No longer am I too embarrassed or proud to let someone do my laundry, buy my milk, pick up prescriptions, or get my kids up from school. Yes, I COULD do it myself, but I could also use the assistance.

8. I see the people with "disabilities"  around me. 

And, boy, there are a lot of them. I look them in the eye and smile. I wonder what they were like when they were babies. I wonder if anyone still loves them. I wonder what kind of services they have access to. I wonder what they are capable of and whether anybody knows it.

9. I'm less shy about confrontation. 

Let's not beat around the bush, folks. I have more important things to do. Sorry if that makes me seem impatient or insensitive or (plug your ears) bitchy. I'll have to deal with that later.

10. I love how Liam and Ronin love.

While they have some idea that their sister is "like the kids Mom and Dad see at work," Keira is just Keira to them. They love her dearly and are quite protective. Liam prays that she will not get sick. Ronin plays make believe games all around her and kisses her hard and often. And as much as he craves my attention and time, he never complains about me having to leave him to feed or soothe "Sissy." Liam and Ronin see Keira for who she is right now and have no urgency to see her change or develop or be any different than that.